And, it can be even more difficult, because we don’t see God sitting right in front of us, when we pray. In fact, at times when I’m praying, I find myself drifting off from my prayer and beginning to think of completely unrelated things, like stuff I need to get done, etc. When that happens, I ask God to help me ignore the distractions that are getting in the way and to help me concentrate on Him and stay focused on praying.

Like so many things in life, prayer takes discipline and practice. Stick with it . . . God loves it when His children want to spend time talking to and hearing from Him! And, best of all, we can be completely honest with Him about our thoughts, feelings, frustrations, fears, joys, hopes and desires.

God gave us free will to exercise so that we would be in a relationship with Him because we want to, not because we have to or are forced to. If we were in relationships with people we didn’t want to be in relationships with (for example, being forced to marry someone we didn’t want to marry and spend the rest of our lives with), it would not be rewarding, productive or enjoyable. God wants our devotion and our obedience. But in His wisdom, He knows that these things only mean something if we give them of our own accord. If he programmed us and forced us to do everything without having a choice, we would be like robots that interacted with Him only because He forced us to. If we were robots, anything we did would be meaningless. There would be no way to show real love, devotion, etc. He wants us to act out of love and out of a desire to please and honor Him. It means more -- and it’s real -- when we have a choice.

Free will can be painful, though. We’ve all made choices and decisions that we should not have made. But, God can also use these experiences to strengthen and mature us. He helps us learn and grow from mistakes. The apostle Paul talks about difficult times in our lives, as well. He said that God can and often does use difficulties to give us a sense of compassion so that we can minister to others we encounter who are facing similar situations. Isn’t it encouraging to think that God can take painful circumstances to actually give us our own ministry of compassion to encourage and help others while serving Him?! And, even though He lets us deal with and suffer the consequences of our choices and actions, He promises to be with us through those times if we ask Him. Also, if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal savior and accepted His sacrifice on the cross as payment for our sins, we have the hope of heaven. Even though life can seem like hell on Earth at times, when we have the hope of heaven, it helps make even the worst situations bearable. Dealing with pain, grief and sadness makes God’s promises that Heaven will be without tears, pain and suffering even sweeter.

What does this mean ? We will address this by first addressing the question of "what is character".

What is Character? Character is integrity (being a man of your word; i.e., if you say you will do something, you can be counted on to do it, rather than blowing it off). Character is integrity of a second kind (i.e., what you see is what you get; being the same person in private as you are in public). Character is absence of Hypocrisy. Character is looking out for the good of your family rather than just what feels good to you. Character is looking out for the good of others, even outside your family, rather than just what feels good to you. Character is behaving as if you are a citizen of Heaven rather than as if you are a citizen of earth (or hell). Character is living with a focus on the long-term rather than with a focus on just the short-term. Character is taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. Character is facing up to the consequences of your actions. Character is in not viewing yourself as a victim of circumstances or of others. Character is in recognizing that you are the master of your destiny (within the parameters set by God) and are not just a pawn that is pushed around by external forces. Character is in recognizing that our choices to do evil are a consequence of our inclination to sin, and are not just a consequence of some "sickness" upon which we can try to blame our choices to do evil.

God's intention is to develop Character in us. That is the purpose of our existence here on earth. Earth is boot-camp in which to develop character (for ourselves), and to help others develop character.

Character is essential for humans (on earth) or eternal beings (in heaven) to be able to live in community, in harmony, with peace, love and Joy. If Heaven were full of beings without Character, Heaven would become Hell (a worse hell than the hell we humans have created here on earth, as a result of our sinful choices).

God permits us to experience the negative consequences of our actions. By doing so, he develops our character.

Example. I stick my finger in a candle-flame. I experience pain. This keeps me from sticking my finger in the flame again (in the future). In a sense, I have developed Character – i.e., I have come to realize that my action (sticking my finger in the flame) has a negative consequence, and so I don’t repeat the action in the future. My behavior has changed for the future. My character has grown.

Example 2: A child tries to stick her finger in a flame. Because I have experienced the negative consequence (pain) from the flame, I know that the flame can hurt the child. So I stop the child from sticking her finger in the flame. My negative experience (pain) in the past, has now helped the child, and protected her from pain. This is an example of my character (once developed) in action.

Example 3: There are many things that God teaches us to do (in the Bible) because they are good for us, and good for society. When we do these things our character grows, and pain and suffering are reduced in society. E.g., obey our parents; take care of our children; teach our children about God and about how to live good moral lives; take care of our ageing parents; help the deserving poor; help the deserving sick; help the orphans; be respectful towards one another; be kind to one another; etc.

Example 4: There are many things that God teaches us to NOT do (in the Bible) because they are bad for us, and bad for society. When we choose to NOT do these things, our character grows, and pain and suffering are reduced in society. E.g., do not steal; do not kill children; do not kill innocent people; do not beat people up; do not drink to the extent of becoming drunk; an application of that concept is -- do not do drugs; do not be slothful or lazy; do not participate in sex before marriage or outside of marriage; do not divorce your spouse; etc.

On the other hand, because our society is in rebellion against God… our society teaches us to "do whatever feels good" even at the expense of destroying our own lives, and the lives of people around us. When we do this, we end up destroying our own character (and damaging the character of the people around us).

Example: Alcoholics who end up losing their jobs and families, lose their ability to be productive citizens, lose their ability to lead their families, lose the respect of their families and the people around them. … An alcoholic is ultimately being incredibly selfish, focusing just on himself and his short-term pleasure rather than on helping, encouraging, and growing the people (including family) around him. Experiencing the negative consequences of his actions (suffering that results from his actions) is often necessary for an alcoholic to come to his senses, and to come away from the addiction (or at least want to come away from the addiction), and by doing so, to change his character for the better.

So, no pain, no gain.

Very often, unfortunately, character development does not happen without suffering.

So this is why God can choose to permit us to experience the suffering that results from our actions (and the actions of those around us).